I am enough!

I love this idea of writing a poem with a little help:

And if you need some guidance:

And look what you can do with it:

So, give it a bash and remember:

Dream!

Soulpancake Happiness Experiment

I have a dear friend, Laura, who is the only other person I know who loves Oprah as much as me and when she recommended I watch Rainn Wilson being interviewed by Oprah on Super Soul Sunday I knew it would be something worth watching.  Well, I was blown away.  He is an amazing man!  Rainn started:

 Soulpancake

Our brain batter of art, culture, science, philosophy, spirituality and humoris designed to open your mind, challenge your friends, and feel damn good. 

Okay, so now you know you are going to feel GOOD after watching this one on the Happiness and Gratitude link:

And this one on what love looks like  :

Forgiveness:

And Kindness:

I know, right? Feel better?  Good

Find your genius

David Whyte - Master of Poetry

Thanks to my dear friend, Pascale Schroen (link to her blog), I have been reintroduced to poetry by Mary Oliver ("Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?") and David Whyte.  

Pasci played a recording of David reading his poem The Portrait in our Woman's Circle and our hearts nearly fell out our open mouths:

Takes your breath away, right?

And the next one, Sue Cooper (link) read us during a retreat at the Buddhist Retreat Centre in Ixopo (link) focused on grieving:

I mean, how can this not trigger some recognition of truth??  I reckon Brene Brown would love the references to belonging and living your truth.  I know I do.

What he means - Just Jinjer

This song opens my heart wide open:

Proud to be South African!

What he means lyrics

if there is grace in this world
if there is light on this earth
let us use it
let us see it
starting right now

can we be down with ourselves
respectful and mindful of one, of one another
your significant other
your sister your brother

peace, love, more tolerance
faith hope, trust in the same name of god
peace, love, more tolerance
faith, hope trust in the same god in whose
name we die for, take an innocent life for
that's not what he means
and it doesn't matter what book you read

is there relief up ahead
cos judgement and hearing await
a weight on our minds to bear
a shame on our heads to wear

where is salvation in love
now that we have what we want
now that we have our wars

peace, love, more tolerance
faith, hope trust in the same god in whose
name we die for, take an innocent life for
that's not what he means
and it doesn't matter what book you read

with a little bit of ease and a little bit of calm
acceptance is the key to all we know
what about a stir of compassion and lenience
what about some understanding
what about some sympathy

peace, love, more tolerance
faith, hope trust in the same god in whose
name we die for, take an innocent life for
that's not what he means
and it doesn't matter what book you read
freedom, kindness, warm deliverance, comfort, mercy
redemption song
redemption song
redemption song
freedom, kindness, warm deliverance, comfort, mercy
redemption song
redemption song
redemption song

peace, love, more tolerance
faith, hope trust in the same god in whose
name we die for, take an innocent life for
that's not what he means
and it doesn't matter what book you read

I agree, don't you?

Painting again is terribly beautiful!

So this year, I started painting again with Roz Cryer.  I was very, very scared! And vulnerable : "Can I still paint?  What if no-one likes them?  What if someone sees I am a fraud?  What if they are all failures? Danger, danger, danger!! People may reject your work and reject you......" My personal, internal, self-doubt dialogue that I am working on quietening.  

But Roz is gentle and she is kind, wholehearted and knowledgeable, so she skillfully leads you through your own gremlins so that you get out the way of the painting coming to life on the canvas, solidifying from the ethers.  Thank you, Roz. (Visit Roz on her blog)

Roz Cryer in action

 She started us off with mixing paints and doing the colour wheel.  I was very resistant and a difficult student!  I wanted to get down and dirty with a painting, impatient, nervous like a bull in a china shop, wanting the process to begin.  Gremlins loud in my head. But Roz put on the brakes and said we were to copy a Monet of our choosing - with our fingers only, getting used to mixing colours, seeing colours and enjoying the texture of the paint on our fingers! 

 I was longing for my comfort zone with a palette knife and so I copied another painting from an 18th century  painter of a dark and stormy night ... This should have  been a clue.... 

Gleefully, I started a new painting of some photos my son Murray took with my phone at sunset in our garden.  Original pictures, original painting.  I was excited...

Then disappointed... in the results, out of my comfort zone with a paintbrush. 

Then liberated ...... 

...as Roz said if you don't like it, paint over it!  Which I did! Ha! Freedom!

"This time", Roz said, "breathe, slow down, paint thin layers of glazes, allowing the layers underneath to show through......"  A practice in patience.

Did I mention I don't do patience?  Especially when I am nervous.  I fall back on my old tried and tested methods of performing, perfecting and pleasing others to gain outside approval to quieten the gremlins in my head: "Your're not good enough!"  It worked when I was a school..... But, with all I have learnt, being kind and patient and accepting each layer of myself is far more effective and satisfying.  And authentic.

And transparent.

So this was good for me.  And I felt really good and vulnerable and powerful at the same time.

Then I went back to my comfort zone of faces... quick and fast, with no real satisfaction.  When Roz asked me what I liked about it, I said the white collar on the left and I liked the power of knowing how to mix the colours I wanted to make.  Education is valuable.

But it felt old, done...I had moved on...

So I challenged myself with one of my sister-in-law, Sandra's, photos of a place they visited in Mozambique.  (She takes amazing photographs!) I used a combination of old and newly learnt techniques.  I found it a challenging process but liked the result.

And another Mozambique photo that I have wanted to paint for ages but was too intimidated.  I wanted to paint the sea so that it felt real in an impressionistic way, of course!

It was slow...

...sometimes terrible...

....sometimes beautiful...

But it always leaves me feeling light and expressed and satisfied, authentically expressed, from my soul to the canvas.

Which leaves me open to criticism.  But is it better to be unexpressed, hidden or fully expressed and vulnerable....?

Painting has been a practice in courage and vulnerability, breathing, being scared and practicing courage and vulnerability again and again.  But it is a joy, which in my experience, is equal parts terror and beauty.