How to be really Alive! Sark

Let's start a conversation about parenting....

I would like to start a conversation about teenagers and their natural inclination to experiment, take risks, try new things and to be secretive about it.  And how to parent them!  Please.

I have a 15.5 year old son.  He would love to be older and ride motorbikes, stay up later, watch restricted movies, drink, go out, be more independent, visit friends on his skateboard, walk to the beach on his own and the list goes on.  He has always wanted to be older than he is. He pushes the boundaries.  He doesn't accept his age, whatever that may be, and its limits.  He finds it difficult to accept "no" as an answer.

I watched an interview with Will Smith and Oprah once where he described his method of discipline as giving as much freedom as the child could handle.  So when they couldn't handle that level of freedom, it was reduced. Discipline is not so much about punishment as restriction, he says.  Watch below if you wish:

He has some amazing views on parenting.

I don't know what I am doing half the time when it comes to parenting and I often ask other parents on their take when I am faced with a problem but 2 things always seem to come up:

Firstly, there is no "right" way.  No-one has the answer.  No-one has discovered a fool-proof method or has the perfect solution we are all looking for.

Secondly, we are all scared as parents...of perceived dangers that will befall our children if we do not protect them, restrict them and discipline them.  Like allowing them to walk to the beach on their own or go to a party at a nightclub or play their first rugby match or go to boarding school or write their first exams (or any subsequent exams), or jump off a 3m high ledge into the dam or ride their bike to the shops or sleepover at a friends for the first time.  What makes me anxious is my fear that something can go wrong. And I won't be there to protect them, make it right for them.  That is at the base of all my parenting dilemmas.

Am I the only one?

I like what Brene Brown has discovered about parenting in her research.  As a result, she came up with this manifesto for parenting:

2014 ... Welcome

The effect of gratitude

Soulpancake posted a video on the Science of Happiness and Gratitude where they tested the participants' level of happiness with a psychological test.  Then asked them to write a letter to the most influential people in their world, expressing their gratitude for their presence in their lives.  They thought this was the end of the experiment.  Gratitude had been expressed and their hearts felt full.  There were emotions. Some tears.

And then they asked them to phone the person and read the letter that they wrote to them.  Deep breath. And lots of love and gratitude.  And happiness.  (see video on previous blog)

They then challenged the viewers to do the same.  Look what this woman did:

So moving and heart opening, hey?  Do I dare do the same?

Hell yes!  (she said, brave and afraid at the same time)

I have a dream.... in song!

Thanks Nic!

Gratitude = Joy

Appreciation and Abundance