I am so deeply moved by this talk as well as her interviews with 11 to 16 year old children on Oprah's Super Soul Sunday. Dr Shefali appeals to all parents to set our egos aside and really see and trust our children, vulnerably, daringly open and honest. We have had a few parenting issues in our home of late. All virgin territory for us. And our reactivity to the situation is immediate and loud. I can apologise and breathe and start again. This time with deep respect for what my children say and do. For their space in time. For their need to make their own mistakes and express their own uniqueness. I want them to be happy, well-adjusted adults. This doesn't happen by magic. Or does it? Is the magic formula the same for me? For me to be happy in my life, I must be fully myself. So for them to be happy, they must be fully themselves, and for this to be supported by us, in the comfortable and uncomfortable times. Not always easy. Buttons are pushed. The child within reacts.
Angela Deutschmann (www.angeladeutschmann.com) wrote a little book called Parenting Lightly where she lays out the 5 Pillars of Parenting.
The first one: We will not get parenting right. Comforting.
Second: We are not in charge of our children and how they turn out. Whoa! Off the hook.
Third and most impactful: Our children absorb who we are more than what we teach them or give them.
Fourth: The best gift we can give our children is our own joy. What permission and harder than you think
Fifth: Our primary responsibility as a parent is to grow ourselves, not our children.
These are pearls. A game-changer.
So again, appreciation of who I am and who they are. THIS is what is important. Trust our children. Trust ourselves. Truth. Love. Appreciation.