My word for the year is APPRECIATION.
I want to be in constant appreciation. Of myself. Others. The Moment. As it is. Of who I am. Of what I do. Of those around me. And what they do.
When I picked the word, I thought it was an extension of my word last year : Acceptance. Acceptance, for me, was the solution to anxiety. Anxiety was and is, in my personal experience of it: non-acceptance. Of myself, others and the moment. It caused me great suffering. And my automatic-pilot solution to suffering? Vacating. Blank. Faraway with the Fairies. Not that its a bad place to visit. Well, that's not entirely true. It's a non-place. Limbo. It feels like I am circling the airport and haven't landed yet. So....not entirely joyful. Just on PAUSE. Flat, dead. So my journey out of Pause has been an amazing one. Well, how do you un-pause a movie on TV? You press PLAY! Yeah.....colour, feelings, stories, action, adventure, romance, laughter, crying. Life. At its best and worst. Both. Together. Yin and Yangish.
Acceptance has been a journey of being with the joy and the pain of being alive. Bravely being with both.
Now, appreciation, I thought, would turn the volume up on this experience. My experience of life. And it has and it hasn't so far. Instead of it being louder, it has become softer, blurring the intensity of the experience of the extremes of Yin and Yang, joy and pain. Yet. Louder. But not brash or abrasive. But more heart-opening to both in the sense that they are the same. Beautiful. Powerful. Opposites that seem the same. Intertwined. Different sides of the same coin. Both existing at the same time. Subtle swings between the two. As I said, softer. So now I cry. All the time. In joy and pain. You see? Same-same. But really, really beautiful. Really. Beautiful. It feels like my heart can hold both joy and pain as if they were the same visitor. So more peace. Less anxiety.
It's a practice. Of feeling. Daily landings at your own airport called LIFE.